The Fruit of Vulnerability

Since the beginning of November, my life has started to shift. A new season of new possibilities is around the corner, and I have felt its uncomforting presence since I walked out of my job November 4^th.  I tried to ignore the aching feeling, but to know an uncertain chapter is about to begin left me distracted and frustrated. I was scared, and the thought of being vulnerable to others around me didn’t seem like an option. I have been preparing for missions for three years, and revealing thoughts and feelings that showed my uncertainties felt like a risk.

Vulnerability is silly like that. Instead of it being seen as something positive and worthy of growth, it is equated with weakness and rejection. Walls of insecurities are formed around this one word, and it inhibits people from truly knowing who you are. The enemy has created such a spirit of fear around vulnerability, and it has inhibited us to be open and transparent with our loved ones. It’s easier to sweep things under the rug than surrender the hard stuff… the stuff that isn’t beautiful. Our ugly green monsters just continue to hide in the corner of our closets while the world sees the masks we put on. By doing this, we forfeit the opportunity to trust that people will love us just as we are.

Lack of vulnerability challenges the community God’s wants us to have. Isolation is the goal of the enemy, and obsessing to maintain a certain image, when that image isn’t even your true self, is the building blocks to feeling utterly alone. Believe me, I say this from a place of BEING THERE. I have tiptoed around community due to the fear of disappointment and not meeting expectation. It is an exhausting place to be, and I am grateful to have so many patient people in my life who have loved me through it.

But most importantly, God has loved me through it. He loves us all through it.

His perfect love consistently casts out the fears of vulnerability. God’s omnipresence battles the darkness of our biggest fears. His light cannot be overtaken by the darkness… and as we dive deeper into relationship with Him, we realize vulnerability is what God craves from us! Our embarrassing moments, disgusting moments, pitiful moments are all things God wants too because it opens the doors of refinement. He takes those beautiful surrenders and grows us for just the right moment…

for the opportunity to truly allow ourselves to be open and loved in community.

And as I felt the fears of leaving for 11 months, I have tasted the fruit of vulnerability lately. My surrenders to God have allowed me to open up and hear the wisdom of so many cherished people in my life. It has allotted me the chance to get out of my own head and know it is okay to feel the way I do before leaving. It has reminded me that vulnerability is rich and affirms how entrusting our God really is.

And here are some scriptures to prove that!

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Psalm 84:11