So let me start out by saying, I LOVE to be comfortable: I love wearing comfy clothes, I love my coffee in the morning, I love knowing what to expect. It’s harmony to me.
As an enneagram nine, I tend to live in this, and often seek out what is most peaceful. It is safe for me because I know that the chances of failing are slim. When I know what to expect, I know how to not disappoint, and it creates this “safe” haven for me…. which is a total trap from the enemy, and I’ve fallen into it quite a few times, as many have.
And before choosing the World Race, I was comfortable.
I had a stable job in nursing, I lived at home with my loving & supportive parents, I saw my friends frequently, I had a strong church community…. and I still have those things, but it’s different.
There is a sense of a chapter closing… which brings tears to my eyes as I write this, but it’s a reality.
And to be open and transparent, apart of me also wanted to wait for a few things to pan out before going into missions: a husband, children, discernment from the Lord as to where I will be doing missions. I thought it was okay to click the pause button in missions until those desires became a reality because they weren’t/aren’t sinful desires.
But what I realized was my comfortability was disguised as peace. I wanted missions but on my terms and conditions because it would make it more comfortable for me. I would feel “safe.”
And for those reading this who do know God, you know what I am saying when I say God does not operate in the box of safe and comfortable. Examples: Moses, David, Peter, Paul… I could continue, but I think you get my references.
Now click the fast forward button, and I am here, leaving in January 2021 to do missions for 11 months in 11 different countries. It is very unknown… a lot has been happening in our world the past two months, and I can’t see the picture, even with my “superhuman” glasses…I can’t see how the fundraising will go, I can’t see what training camp will look like, and I sure as heck can’t see what it will be like being a missionary for 11 months. It’s uncomfortable and uneasy at times.
But it has kept me humble. Being uncomfortable in the unknown, has taught me how to be so reliant on the Lord. When I rest in not being the center of the story, my mind resets. It rewires my thoughts of feeling perturbed to focusing on the mission ahead…sharing the grace of Jesus. It reminds me that there are seasons where a month to month surrender is not enough. There are times where I will need to surrender weekly, daily, and even hourly to just remind myself where my wellspring comes from. When we lay everything down to Jesus, we build a beautiful weapon of humility which teaches us, it teaches me how to live solely at the feet of my maker. It gives me that chance to break my alabaster oil, my desires, to fulfill the purpose that has been set before me.
And being in month one of fundraising, a daily surrender has been an absolute necessity. Many things are unseen and the fruitfulness has not yet come to fruition. Honestly, I wish I could have it handed to me on a silver platter, but what would I be gaining? How would this teach me to trust Jesus? As much as I hate the unknown, I know that longsuffering builds my mustard seed faith. I know the only thing I can do is lay it at the feet of God and trust His wisdom. That is the only tangible thing I can cling onto through this process… His sweet aroma blanketing me with His strength.
So yea, faith comes with being uncomfortable. Faith comes with full surrender. It WON’T be easy. But man, how rewarding will it be when we finally see our Jesus face to face and get to say, “I have finished the race you placed before me.” Oh, what a joyous day that will be!
“Thus says the Lord who make the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it, the Lord is His name: Call to Me and I will answer and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Jeremiah 33:2-3
Thank you for following my journey, thank you for your prayers. They definitely do not go unnoticed by our Maker.
I would love to hear your feedback: what God spoke to you through this, how your heart has been transformed by Jesus! Feel free to leave a comment or you can send me personal message. My contact information is on my page! I look forward to hearing from you.
Also, if you feel the Lord pressing on your heart to give financially, whether that be a one-time give or monthly, that would be so appreciative. Your support in any way is wonderful!
Love you all!
