Count it all joy

Reflection: a time to pause, a time to look back, a time to see the good, the bad, the ugly. 

I feel like I have done that a few times on the race.

It started at training camp. I was sitting in my tent, pondering many things, especially since the first three days were torrential downpours, and we had to camp outside! I’d say they were more like monsoons, but some people would call that a bit dramatic. Anyways, I sat there the first night talking to the Father about what He wanted for this year, what growth needed to happen, and how I can be used to further His kingdom. He sent me straight to Jeremiah 30:17: 

“For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord…” 

Well… mhmm, this left me puzzled. As I sat there confused and conflicted as to why this scripture was THE scripture He thought to give me was beside me at the time, but I didn’t dare to push any further. The thought of asking for clarity was larger than a leap, and I knew the answer would come with some sort of exploration on my part. So I left it where it was at and continued on with my week. But the scripture haunted me, and my emotions were completely out of wack. I cried most of training camp and old, painful memories I thought I rid myself of started coming to the surface. So I decided to turn around, regretting my choice of ignoring any further depth the Father wanted to show me, and ran back into the safety of His arms. He was gentle and kind, something I needed to be reminded of in a moment of a lot of emotions. He held me close as my earthly dad did when I was sad or frightened, and peacefully spoke to me of what was to come. A daisy was set before me, and the Father ,with His gentlemen manner, asked me to venture in. He told me it would be painful.. He told me it would be wild.. He told me it would restore innocence and purity back to the firm foundation I was building in Him. 

My answer took time, but oh how patient the Father was with me! Day in and day out He sat with me, hearing all of my excuses and contemplations, and not once did He condemn my thoughts. He waited, knowing I would come back to the reality of what needs to be next. And when that day came, He held His arms out to me, and asked once again, “Daughter, do you want to venture in?” This time, without hesitation, I said yes. I wanted my heart to be stripped of painful memories.. I wanted to seek the depths of the Father’s heart for me. 

And I have been doing that ever since. There have been a lot of tears and a lot of wounds that have had to be brought to the surface; however, it has been remarked by His love. I don’t consider my reflection on the past an excuse to wallow, but rather a chance for me to see the Father’s goodness in it all… and count it joy.  

“I’m not going to leave you in darkness. When are you going to understand I love you?… I want to fill your life with color and warmth. I want to fill it with light.”   (Redeeming Love, Francine Rivers)